It was finally time.  The old one looking worn and tattered, though holding many memories—it was time to say good bye.  I left my sweet, 8-week-old firstborn at home with my husband and set out on this shopping adventure with no distractions.  Alone.  One goal in mind—to find a new purse.  I parked in the mall parking lot and took a deep breath, enjoying the quiet solitude.  I marched excitedly inside the department store to the “Handbag and Accessories” section and then completely stopped in my tracks.  All.  The. Choices.  I was entirely paralyzed with overwhelm.  I almost couldn’t breathe.  I walked around and nothing looked cute.  And then everything looked cute.  Did I even remember the definition of cute?  My anxiety was acute and my overwhelm was debilitating.  How in the world was such a fun decision this difficult?

Let’s back up a little bit in the story.  You see, the “background stress” I was carrying wasn’t necessarily evident to the everyday onlooker.  Except, perhaps, for some spit up stains on my shirt.  In reality, I had just gone through some of the most profound life changes to date.  I had a baby eight weeks earlier, via unplanned C-section.  Breastfeeding was not the magical, beautiful experience I had read about—but we were still at it.  When Baby was a tiny three weeks old, my husband, our dog, and I moved across the country from Texas—where all family lived—to Ohio, on USAF orders.  I had never lived more than three hours from my parents, or outside of Texas, for that matter, and this was close to 20 hours away…. In a state with a “real winter”. 

I tell you all of this to paint a picture of the background stress that I was carrying the day of the purse shopping.  Many times, as mamas, we don’t realize the weight of the daily stress that we carry.  It might not always be as dramatic as my purse-shopping day, and sometimes it might be much more, but it can undoubtedly affect how we function.  This background stress causes an invisible mental load, which is constantly running in the back of our minds.  Since that day 11 years ago, I have learned some things about dealing with the background stress in my life that I would love to share with you.

1.        Acknowledge its presence.  Having children, no matter the ages or the number of kiddos, is stress-inducing.  Some amount of stress simply comes with the job.  Once we can acknowledge this great responsibility, rooted in unconditional love for our children, we can offer ourselves grace and create ways to thrive.

2.       Write it out.  Grab a journal and brain dump everything that feels heavy on your mind.  This might look like free-writing for a few minutes, listing out all of your worries and then tearing up the list, or writing out a prayer.  If you don’t feel like you are making progress that way, ask yourself:  What would I have to let go of to feel free? 

3.       Talk it out.  Call your best friend and meet up for a coffee date or cozy up with your partner on the couch for a heart-to-heart.  Share your concerns and fears.  I bet you will find some support, not feel so alone, and feel mentally lighter afterwards.

4.       Get physical.  Take a walk—even if this means popping the babies in a stroller or having big kids ride their bikes alongside you.  Go for a run!  Drop the kids off at childcare at the gym and sweat it out on the elliptical.

5.       Check your mental chatter.  Our self-talk determines how we think, and therefore how we interact in relationships and relate to the world. Identify those negative phrases that are on repeat in your brain—and get rid of them!  (More on this in a coming post…)  Some common ones are “I can’t”.  “I don’t have time.”  “I don’t have the money.” 

6.       Simplify.  This one was HUGE for me.  Once I realized the difference simplifying could make, and how much weight all of the *stuff* around me was causing, I was able to move forward with simplifying my life.  #1 came first (acknowledging its presence), as I came to the realization of how the physical clutter was affecting me mentally.  There were many steps to this process, which is ongoing.  My encouragement to you is start with your home.  Start with one space.  See how you feel.

7.       Have some fun!  What is a hobby you enjoy?  Something you can create room for in your schedule that lights you up inside?  Go do it!  This won’t eliminate the stress completely, but what it will do is fulfill a deeper desire inside of you, which will then counterbalance the stress, allowing your mind and body more flexibility to handle all that comes your way.

The idea here is to focus on noticing and relieving the background stress in your life in order to feel lighter and be more present, functioning at your highest potential.  For me, the overwhelm I felt led to difficulty in decision-making, but overwhelm can manifest in many different ways for different people.  What background stress do you carry?  How does it show up in your life?  What do you do to manage it?  Let me know in the comments!