Let Love Lead the Way

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” –Victor Frankl

Have you ever had a knee-jerk reaction? Me too. What if, next time, instead of impulsively sending that snarky text or raising your voice… you could find this micro-moment? This space between stimulus and response that Frankl describes. If this space truly holds our growth and our freedom, I surely want to be attuned to it! You too? Let’s talk about how we might do this.

 1.       Find the space

Many years ago, I taught anger management classes to youth at a children’s home. One of the first techniques I introduced them to, after identifying their triggers, was the magic of counting to ten.  This skill helped them in a few ways, but one benefit of the counting was to become aware of this space… and create more of it. Instead of impulsively reacting, let’s intentionally respond. This skill of counting widened this moment before response and provided more time to choose a behavior.

 What about us? So often this space in time… right before we act… simply whizzes past us. As we move throughout our day, what if we start by trying to simply identify this space in just a few of our interactions. Let’s intentionally seek it out. Let’s hold this space for a moment. Rest in it and acknowledge the power we have to choose our subsequent action. How, then, do we go about making this next choice of responding?

 2.       Fill the space

I would offer that this newly discovered sliver of time presents itself as an important opportunity for us to live into our values. I want to invite you to fill this space with love. I can’t think of many, if any, times that I have regretted acting out of love. This way, we can be confident that all of our responses are carried out with love as the motivation and intention.

 What might this look like IRL? Your toddler’s face flushing to a deep shade of red as she gears up for her next tantrum might be the stimulus that you are responding to. In that moment, how might you infuse love into your response? Dishes left in the sink after your 5th grader was supposed to wash them. In that moment, how might you infuse love into your response? The baby crying… again… at 2:30 am. In that moment, how might you infuse love into your response? Allowing love to lead our responses can radically change our life.

 These moments can happen thousands of times per day—in any area of our lives. With our partner. With our boss. With our family. I would encourage you to find that space… and fill it with love. See what happens from there.

photo credit: @philhearing