I Need Help!

5 Reasons asking for help can feel so difficult

 Several months ago, my family’s life got turned upside down by some urgent needs of one of my children. My daily schedule was changed drastically, as was my family’s. My weekday mornings began before dawn, on the road with one of my children to seek treatment in another city. This child missed over a month of school. These months were very difficult and took a lot of flexibility from our entire family to navigate. During these challenging days, I was sharing some of our struggles with a friend and she immediately offered to bring my family dinner. I, rather hesitantly, accepted her offer, and was blessed immensely by the meal. It got me thinking about the concept of both requesting and receiving help, and the stigma around it.

 All of us, who are human, at least, are going to need help in our lifetime. Here are a few reasons that asking for help can feel so difficult.

 1.       We attach a moral stigma to it. For some reason, asking for help can feel embarrassing. This feeling of judgement can either come from inside of us (self-judgement), or we fear that others will judge us for (the very human necessity of) needing help.

2.       It feels isolating. In this world of social media and comparison, at times it can feel that we are the only one in need of help. This, in turn, causes us to judge and belittle ourselves

3.       We don’t know what we need and sometimes we don’t even know that we have a need.

4.       We don’t know who to ask.

5.       It feels vulnerable to share our struggles. To ask for help is to admit that we have a need, which can leave us feeling exposed.  

 Perhaps we can change our internal narrative around asking for help to one of self-compassion. Perhaps we can remind ourselves that it is normal to have needs. Perhaps we can feel more connected to other humans, knowing that we will all need help at some point or another.

 This journey of motherhood gives us quite the opportunity to request and receive help, doesn’t it? We need each other along the way. It is my heart’s desire that we, as mothers, can champion one another, instead of judge. I wonder if we could look and listen for each other’s needs and offer help where we can. An example of this might be as small as giving a smile of solidarity to the mom of a tantruming toddler in Target. Or maybe it looks like holding the door open for a mom with a stroller. Or maybe it means being available to your fellow mom of teens who just needs to vent. Or maybe it is swapping childcare with a friend so you each can have a date night. Or maybe taking a meal to a friend who is just swamped with life. Whatever it might look like for you, let’s remember that we all have needs, and remind ourselves that it is ok (good, even!) to ask for help.  

Photo credit: @britozour