Overwhelmed by the Loneliness of COVID? Me Too.
Is anyone else feeling a little lonely out there? A little tired of the monotony? A little tired of the “not knowing” if the schools will close, if events will be canceled, if I can go back to work in my office anytime soon… As this COVID business drags on and on and on… things are getting hard, y’all. At first, I thought it was just me and my natural bent towards depression and melancholy. But after talking to several friends, I see that I am not alone…. and neither are you.
It actually reminds me of the winters that our family lived in Ohio. The grey clouds rolled in about November and remained in place month after cold winter month. Having initially moved there in February with a 3-week-old baby (our first!), we jumped right into the cold… and the grey. My husband quickly left for a two-month-long training, leaving myself and our sweet baby girl to fend off the grey on our own. The rest of our family was back in Texas, and with the exception of one sweet family, we knew no one. This was a very lonely time for me. The isolation that simply comes from the focused attention required to sustain a precious newborn life, the rest that my own body needed to heal, allllll the hormones, along with a cold outside that I had never known before had me digging deep to find ways to press on. Did you catch that? Digging deep to find ways to press on.
I believe that our current global situation is a time where each of us needs to dig deep to find ways to press on. I believe that this looks different for each of us. The part that is the same is that we need connection. Connection to our faith, and to the One who created us. Connection to our families and friends. Connection to ourselves. (I know this sounds woo-woo… stay with me.) So, how do we find connection when everything is canceled? I’m glad you asked. 😊
I don’t have a perfect answer for this question, except that we have to: Seek it out. Look for it. Create it. Show up for it.
I had a very long (and desperately needed) phone conversation with a close friend the other day about this topic during which we realized that we have identical feelings of loneliness as a result of isolation and disconnection. I’m going to share some conclusions we found (though by no means an exclusive list):
1. Do something creative
What do you love to do that engages the right part of your brain? Do it! Guess what this looks like for me? Yep. Writing. But writing is definitely not for everyone. I have had seasons of my life that I loved to get messy with stamps and scrapbooking and coordinate colors and patterns. I have friends who made burlap wreaths and took gorgeous family photographs. This could look like learning and doing a new type of workout. Making new recipes. Creating home décor. Doing something you love. If even this thought makes you feel more overwhelmed or burdened, I would encourage you to reframe something you already do on the daily…. And find a new way to do it. Your creativity can be expressed through the meals that you cook each day for your family. Challenge yourself to one new recipe each week, if cooking is your thing. If you need more ideas—hit me up, and I am happy to brainstorm with you!
2. Exercise
This is known to improve mood, as well as keep your body healthy. Double whammy! Move your body in whatever way is best for YOU. Don’t feel pressure that just because the gyms are open now that you need to be there. Take a walk. Do Pilates (My personal favorite). Go for a run. Or simply do some squats or jumping jacks when you have a break at work. I’ve told y’all before that I used to do jumping jacks in the bathroom when I worked at a local hospital. It totally helped with the afternoon slump! Try it!
3. Do something NEW
Monotony sucks the life out of me. Breaking it up with something new has a pretty significant value during this time. This might go hand in hand with something creative… or it might not. I recently asked an acquaintance from church to have coffee. This was out of my comfort zone as I don’t know her well, but I know her well enough to know that we share a passion for speaking up about mental health issues and perhaps where the Church is failing at this. It felt wonderful to just chat… connect! What about rearranging furniture? Or having a picnic dinner with your family outside? Get out that fancy china you got at your wedding and enjoy a “fancy” meal!
4. Consider your options with work
This is not a suggestion (necessarily) to quit your job. Are you working from home with no baby sitter? Hire a sitter! (I know it’s not that easy… but perhaps a possibility.) Are you stuck in a dark room at home with your computer? Move to a different part of the house. We have a study in our house, but I choose to use the guest bedroom as my office, as I can get more natural light and stare out of our front windows. 😊
5. See people as often as possible!
This one is probably a no-brainer, but as things do open back up—show up! Take even the unexpected opportunities. If you are dropping a kid off for a playdate, spend a few extra minutes chatting with the other mom. And the scheduled things as well--book club, Bible study, coffee with friends, church…. Even if you are tired. Even if you are not feelin’ it. Even if you are a little depressed. Or maybe you are so extremely excited to see new faces! Don’t feel guilty about that either—just show up! This IRL time is where you can be authentically you is how you can gain that connection, and stomp out the loneliness.
6. Connect to your faith
Consider what this looks like to you. Historically in my life, when I have been in a season of suffering is when I tend to dive deeper into my faith. During some of these seasons, especially those of depression—I didn’t necessarily feel anything… but I read my Bible or listened to sermons or worship music anyway. (I am absolutely not perfect here, I have also had seasons of brokenness and grief where I have struggled with faith and believing in God’s goodness.) Overall, when I look at my life, the times of greatest spiritual growth, have been painful times. Traumatic times. Times of grief and loneliness. Times of loss. For me during this pandemic, I feel like the Lord has given me eyes to see the true and raw difficulty of this time… for all of us. I have started my own little ministry of encouragement, mailing cards to friends, giving little gifts to friends… simply to encourage and love on them during this strange and seemingly eternal time of hard. This helps me to connect with others, and also put to use what I feel to be my gift of encouragement. How do you connect to your faith?
We are truly all in this together. Each of our stories looks a little different, but many of the resulting lifestyle adaptations and emotions are similar. Know that you are not alone.