Stop and Smell the Diapers

I was in my car on Saturday morning, after having picked up groceries at 7:00, returned some items at Target (and bought a few things too… let’s be real), shopped for fairy houses at Dollar Tree, and was parked in a church parking lot.  The next thing on my (very full) to-do list for the day was to participate in a diaper drive to help an organization that works with teen moms.  Earlier in the week, I bought two packs of newborn diapers and a large box of wipes.  If I’m completely transparent, these items had been cluttering the floorboard of my SUV (see real-life above photo) for most of the week, with kids stepping over (and maybe on top of) them and sliding around as I turned corners.  As I sat in the parking lot with the diapers in my arms, I said a prayer for the moms and babies they would bless. As I did, the sweet scent of baby powder permeated the air.  I sat completely still, and was transported back to the days of caring for my own newborn babies.  The sleepless nights, the precious tiny moments, the feedings, the feeling of overwhelming love… all of it.  Even in my crazy-full day, I allowed myself to sit there for a moment. Soaking in the memories.  Replaying them in my mind.  Smelling the diapers.

 Sounds rather insignificant, perhaps.  We frequently have memories of days gone by.  What’s the big deal? The difference is in the sitting with it.  Allowing the memory to take up space in our current, real-time brain.   Allowing ourselves to feel the feelings that come up.  Allowing our brain to continue the path of remembering.  This might all sound like just one more thing to do that takes up precious time in the day. Actually, this took all of 3 minutes. 

 I like to call these times micro-reflections. When we allow ourselves the time and space to sit with our feelings, our body is able to integrate those memories more deeply into our current mental and emotional makeup.  This time is spent making meaning from the moments of life.  I have spent more intentional time lately in longer periods of reflection as well.  Scrolling through forgotten pictures on my phone, or even looking at pictures of my kids as babies, and allowing my mind, body and spirit to be saturated with the feelings that come up... without judging the feelings.  Life is made up of moments.  Sometimes the feelings that come up won’t be cheerful, unicorn & rainbow-type feelings.  And that is ok.  Our nervous system needs the more difficult feelings to be integrated as well.  These harder emotions provide the contrast that makes the positive feelings so good.  (If we can even categorize feelings as “positive” or “negative”… but that’s another blog post.)  Life is made up of the good with the bad.  it is my prayer that you will make time to reflect on your experiences in order to allow your mind, body, and spirit to integrate those experiences into your current season of motherhood whether you smell a sweetly-scented diaper… or one that indeed needs to be changed.